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Let's start things off with:
"Nineteen Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn"
by Dave
Barry
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its
full potential, that word would be "meetings."
- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,decides to deliver a message to humanity, He
WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hair style.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take
command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
- The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
- You'll never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see
an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time
is age eleven.
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,religion, economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention.
It never fails.)
- Your friends love you anyway.
AND ONE MORE: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals
built the Titanic.
Is This You?
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Don't make the Baby cry!
He is so cute. I just had to give him a home. And as you might have guessed by now, this page is for Laughs. My jokes and
yours, and please, let's keep it clean. This is a family site.
Time for some Jokes
Ole and Leana were in there car heading for Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Leana's knee. "Ole," she murmured
softly, "you can go further if you want." And so he drove to Duluth.
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter
requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to
President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the
little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The
little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington
D.C. and, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!
Click for the Daily Cartoon.
Then Click the "Baby" to come back.
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